I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
