Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize