I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
