so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
