Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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