I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
