i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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