nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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