If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
