i already hear my dad disowning me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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