Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
