went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is Oprah even human
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
