I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
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She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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