Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
