she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
