Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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