Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
