I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize