were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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