Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
