apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
