I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
