matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
