Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
