Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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