Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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