she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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