I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
