So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
