I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
