if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
