we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
