At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pants are for mortals
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
