ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
