My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
