You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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