Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
and you fell through a lawn chair
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
