I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
