I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize