We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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