for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
