not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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