So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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