I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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