Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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