There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
