That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
