Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize