margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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