I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize