I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
