Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
