Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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