You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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