I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
