Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
