youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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