Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
They have beer where we have blood.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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