Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
