Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
