I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
