He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
