its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
