I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
