please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
